I have never heard Bob so adamant about words before,he has actually told people to move away from California and the west coast. This is bolder then I have ever heard him on prophetic words. I felt I needed to address our stance on it.

I also know how many times his words have been misunderstood or didn’t have full interpretations or even full revelation. Prophets see in part, that is why it is helpful when 2 or 3 of them have these words so that you get a more full interpretation. One series of words Bob got was in the 1980s. He saw rioting would break out in the streets of Los Angeles, and that there would be a curfew and that people would die in the streets. He called them race riots and he said that it would be so dangerous in the streets that people wouldn’t leave their houses and that corporal punishment would be threatened. As we know this happened strongly, but not as strongly as the word put fear into people. The riots affected about 3 neighborhoods it was around 16 blocks, and about 40,000-200,000 people living or working in those areas were affected by the actual riots. This was not a city devastation that Christians in LA were planning for based on the word, as a matter of fact people in Sherman Oaks or Malibu never were affected by any of it except the sadness of the actual issue. There are 18 million here, and less then 200,000 were affected but the word felt like everyone could be doomed by the issue and the apocalypse was coming. I am not saying that was Bob’s intention but because we are still learning how to give and receive words, there is much bad interpretation and little to no activation on what to do. Again not Bob’s fault but it can show you that the prophetic really needs stewardship.

Another thing to note about that particular word was when Bob gave that word he was in Orange County prophesying like it was LA, so even the church in Orange County was very scared for themselves and yet nothing happened even remotely close to them.

About the Earthquake and Nuclear fallout: God has not been speaking to anyone I know in California about this theme for now. No one IN California or the west coast is getting these words on a level to suggest to people to actually move away. I am not trying to create a waring perspective between the west coast and east coast prophets but consider this:

Rick Joyner and Bob Jones don’t have a deep love for California and think it is a place where too much evil happens. Both of them have had little to no good prophecy for California. The problem with that is what if a Muslim got saved from the middle east and started prophesying disaster over Israel? Would we listen even if they were accurate everywhere else? I think God would rather use Israelis to prophecy about their future or America or someone who loves them.

If I began to prophecy over Fort Mills where Rick Joyner is from that there was a Tsunami coming and they should move, he would know because of what God has planted there for his movement that he would have to address the words. I know Rick enough to know that he would not stand for fear or for misinterpretation of possibilities to drive out the awesome thing they are believing for. It is the same for me, I am not debunking Rick or Bob but I am judging their words and want to say a few things about them.

1) These words are not promises from God but they are warnings. Bob Jones gave a warning several years ago about a Tsunami in LA hitting in 2010. There was not one, but in the natural we had the State prepare for one and put up Tsunami signs. Over 70 believers here that I know began to have dreams about Tsunamis and most of them hadn’t heard Bob’s word. We began to pray and there was State wide prayer organized by several different organizations and the Tsunami didn’t come. Praise God!

2) Words from God should not cause mass panic and fear but perspective and hope: You can’t tell people by the millions to move away without strategy…this is just foolish. If God was really giving us a perspective of mercy to move away because some big devastation was going to happen, then we should have a clearer directive then “Move away nuclear power is going to wipe you out probably in 6 months.” Bob’s most recent words were to move away by September 2011. What we can do with this is ask God together on the west coast for strategy. What SHOULD we do besides prayer? Maybe nothing, maybe something. When has anything terrible been unavoidable in the whole New Testament?

3) Words from God should carry clear instruction: When Agabus prophesied a drought in Acts, it was so that the believers were ready and could store up enough food (not just for them but for their small region). This drought effected less then 100,000 people and they were completely prepared with strategy and understanding on what to do. The words Bob gave were not clear and had no apostolic preparation. That means that the clearest way to respond is still intercession or moving. Those are the only two choices we were given by him.

3) God always has an army in the hardest places: Those of you who know you are supposed to be here, you are the army of the Kingdom who can help if something terrible does happen. That means you get to do relief and restoration and there is nothing like seeing the Kingdom move when there is so much need! Its amazing. I have done relief for over 20 years off and on, and God just shows up in the most beautiful way. Its a good time to do disaster preparedness and learn what is available in your city.

4) Other prophecies by Bob Jones: One word that Bob gave our friends just last year (and then repeated to us) is that the angel Uriel was standing over the plates in California with one foot on each side and holding them together and as long as the church would keep praying in God’s purposes we would be safe and he would hold them together. I don’t know what to do when he just gave that word and is now prophesying about the earthquake but I like the visitation of the angel better then the potential earthquake so we are praying with that.

I am not scared and I don’t feel I need to heed their warnings to move except to pray my guts out but I love them. Everyone has to decide for themselves. Again these are not promises from God they are potentials. We are Christians and we have to exercise power over the storms.

Also I am not rejecting Bob or Rick over my perspective nor am I saying they are wrong. I am just trying to give more perspective so we can be smarter in how we receive their words and what we do about what they are saying. We have to get a lot more intellegent about how we listen.

In Jesus

Shawn Bolz

Expression58 (expressoin58.org)

my new Dating book is out: nonreligiousguide.com

Helpful questions to pray through for yourself:

I have heard the words about disaster coming to the west coast, is moving an option for me?

Do I know how to be prepared in a disaster?

Since part of the prophecy is about nuclear leak do I live anywhere near a nuclear facility and am I prepared with nuclear relief supplies if I am?

What is our cities plan of evacuation and does my whole family know?

What is the current best earthquake proof plan for my property, for my workplace, for my childs school?

How can our church pray into what God is doing (not just focusing on the possible natural disaster that was prophesied)

SOCIAL INTERNET AWKWARDNESS

Anyone who uses the internet long enough has two main categories of relationships that come up. You have your real life friends and then you have your “Friendz” which are people who aren’t really currently in your life but somehow because of the open nature of the internet you find yourself in communication with them. They could be an old coworker, junior high buddy, fellow church member, someone you met in a chat room, someone you played a video game with, a real estate agent, or even your Mom’s best friend who doesn’t have enough to do so friendz you. I have coined this term “Friendz.” but it’s not trademarked have fun with it.

Lets look at the various FRIENDZ in all their glory and pick out how many you have currently in Facebok/Twitter/MySpace/Linkedin or whatever hub you use.

School Friendz:

We all have the people we were trying avoid ever seeing or talking to from high school but as soon as you start-up facebook, they were the first to somehow find you and try to get you to relive the awkward moments of youth. They follow you on twitter and think that you are still the same 16-year-old pimple kid that they knew, not ever thinking that maybe Pink Floyd isn’t in your life anymore and that you haven’t thought about choir rehearsal since you left it. The annoying thing about this type of Friendz is that they are stuck in the past, and to keep you there with them. Oh school friendz…you don’t know me anymore lets not pretend.

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Old People Friendz:

 Old people friendz come in a variety of ways. Sometimes they are your best friends grandpa who somehow see’s the “people you may know” button and clicks on you then you have a never-ending tirade of status messages like “Went to the doctor today, the hemorrhoids are definitely going to have to be operated on.” or your Aunt’s best friends Grandfathers ex-wife that you met at one family gathering and now she is telling you how cute a girl is on your friends list and is asking why your still not married…but she doesn’t realize how to do this privately so your whole list starts coming to the same conclusions with her. These Friendz are dangerous because they only seem to know one story about you and it happens to be embarrassing. Problem is whenever they think to post your direction its a rehash of that very story.

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Annoying Cute Pics Friendz:

Why do girls post teddy bears holding teddy bears holding teddy bears on my wall and say “Love you!” It is not valentines day and they are not my girlfriend because I would never date a girl who gave me a teddy bear holding a teddy bear holding a teddy bear. These Friendz are stuck in the “Cute pictures make everyone’s day happier” mindset and the amount of kittens, puppies, and babies will make your gag reflex spasm. The biggest problem with these girls is they have no context for most the pics, they just barrage you with a never-ending supply of internet clutter and its cyclical..meaning if you have 2 or more of these friends you are guaranteed to get the same spam email from both of them saying “Important!” and it ends up being 25 different pictures of babies who have all spit up in different ways….I could have never saw that and still been the happy man I am today.

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Religious Pic Friendz:

Everyone has an older lady on their wall that makes sure you know Jesus loves you! (with a 1980′s pic of a cross and dove). Sometimes these are the friendz that worry that they didn’t see you at the service yesterday so they send over an inspirational angel pic who is holding onto some man who is obviously devastated by the loss of something (probably his sanity from having to delete these pics) and she comments something like : “Missed you yesterday praying for you! XXXOOO” If religious pic friendz also have the annoying cute pic habit you have a level 10 problem on your hand…if they have the debater friendz problem that is coming up in this blog then you have a full on nuclear crises on your Facebook wall.

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Non Solicited Advisor Friendz:

You didn’t ever ask advice from Friendz: So you put a nice comment : “I feel great today! I can’t wait to work out!” and thirteen people begin to give you non solicited advice about your health regime and what won’t work telling you “I have noticed in your new profile picture you are getting skinnier…..Wait a minute was I fat in the last one? the internet has opened up a whole range of advisors, but my favorite are Friendz who can’t stand to let a statement go without giving input or advice that usually assumes details that just aren’t in context. Or you say something like “Wow it feels good to be single.” and they immediately psycho analyze the hidden meaning of the statement for your whole internet world to see….or they give you their top dating advice as if their married status on their page gives them a full degree from the school of Dr. Phil. Oh yeah, good friendz to have…public counselors that you didn’t solicit.

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Debater Friendz:

Everyone has them and no one wants them…the friends who start arguments and can turn even your favorite restaurant tweet into a rolling contentious internet brawl…they cut down your other friends comments to you and every opinion you give is met with their opposite view. You say “I like such and such movie.” and they go into why that movie isn’t worth the brain power to watch and they find fulfillment in cutting down your lack of enjoyment. Oh debaters, keep it on your own wall or always just be someones Friendz.

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Pretend they’re your BFF Friendz:

One of the worst ones to have. We all have at least one person that includes themselves so much in our internet life that people get a real world perception that this person is our BFF. Our real friendz are wondering why they have never met them, until this person also friends or follows them because they want to be included in especially our other real world friendships. Bff’s have opinions that mask themselves as personal knowing to who you are but the problem is it’s all not based on any real relationship so it feels a little stalkerish.

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Pretend they’re your girlfriend Friendz:

 The danger of having opposite sex friends that get attached to you online without you putting effort into the friendzhip, is that many of them will begin to associate themselves with you in a subtle or not so subtle way to your whole internet community. They use overly familiar and affectionate language, “Hey lover! I can’t wait to see your next blog!” or “That picture is so hot, it reminds me of that trip to Hawaii!” (referencing that they have commented on other pics not that they went to Hawaii with you). The problem with fake girlfriendz is that whenever you do start dating someone who these online girls want a DTR (define the relationship talk) as if you have ever even talked to them about your relationship in the first place.

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The religious fanatic friendz:

Everything you write, whether your moms spaghetti recipe or your favorite sunset moment becomes their personal quest to find some sort of prayer or devotional metaphor. They have to interpret greater spiritual meaning in all that you post….and even your pictures of vacation turn into a spiritual awakening to them but at the expense of whatever you wrote or whatever picture you posted being watered down because people have to see the cheesy friendz commentary linked to it…oh religious friendz use your own wall.

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Your friends Friendz:

One of the worst ways to get Friendz? Inherit them from other friends. These Friendz of friends live vicariously through your real friends relationships with you and they know just enough about you to be annoying.

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Stalker Friendz:

I don’t like to talk about these ones…they are the person who keeps a copy of every picture, looks for all the destinations you are headed and show up in real life there. They know all your friends and where they live, how many kids they have, and what their parents names are, they know your coffee habits and gym habits, and they post on your page more than even their own…they are stalker friendz and you need to press delete.

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Comment on All your posts Friendz:

Oh if the world only didn’t have these friendz. In the midst of all the comments you love to read in touching base with your internet community, there is always one who must say something about everything and the problem is their something is annoying. These friends just won’t quit and they comment more than any of your real friends which make your real friends stop commenting because they feel awkward and pushed out. The over communicators and verbal processors of the internet who can’t keep their friendzship to themselves.

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Inspirational Quote Friendz:

My personal most hated of friendzship style is those who have no normal status updates, they only answer everything you do with an inspirational quote. Even worse are the ones who make up their own quotes. You say “I think I am going to order in tonight.” and they say “Those who don’t get out of their house end up lying in a ditch of their own poverty invoking life style.” Oh yeah, this is where the “Ignore user” button is wonderful

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Eye only profile picture Friendz:

They don’t like how they look so they are just an ominous eye next to whatever post they chose to grace you with. It’s just plane creepy and it usually comes out of people who are afraid someone on the internet is after them or they are just an oversized insecure person.

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Inspirational Profile Pic Friendz:

They figure : Why post a picture of me when I can encourage the world with a 1970s painting of a lion roaring because that’s who I am anyways right?” These types of friendz don’t realize that it takes away from your friendzhip with them because it feels like lowered self-image when someone posts a pic of that eagle flying, or warrior, or woman dressed as a bride, it’s just one of the most frustrating things to see cluttering up your space…cheesy art that you didn’t subscribe too….post your pic Friendz! Combine this type of friend with the over commenter friend and your wall space is ruined. Can you imagine looking at your walls at home everyday and having someones cheesy art decorating it? Yuck.

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30 years + ago Profile Pic Friendz:

Yes they did…they posted the best pic of themselves at 24 and are now locked into that age for the rest of your life even if their birthday does say November 17, 1856 they are the perfect image of youth…..oh Friendz….stop pretending

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What I looked like as a baby Profile Pic Friendz:

Need I say more? Everyone does it once but some people don’t stop doing it…..and they need to.

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Posting on someone else’s real life family and friends comments Friendz:

Yes some friendz include themselves so much in your world that they begin to comment on your mothers page, your sisters tweets, and your best friends linkedin but how uncomfortable would it be if strangers came to your house on Christmas morning and shouted “I think that’s a great sweater you bought her!” and then ran out….yes that’s what it feels when Friendz don’t know their boundaries online.

What can we learn about friendz? The internet needs a social wake up call, and Friends, don’t start a friendship with someone without some internet social intelligence or you might just become their worst Friendz….

What are some types of friendz that I missed? Add your own to the list and feel free to repost this whole article

Shawn Bolz

Author of Nonreligious Guide to Dating and Being Single

nonreligiousguide.com

find me on Facebook!

Shawnbolz on twitter

I love our family and our crew of friends. Its important that you hear my perspective on these types of issues if you are involved with us because it will help you know how my heart relates to disaster and crises.

I think this is timely information and it is good for us to be aware so we can be prepared but I have a few observations:

1) Humanity was never supposed to experience these disasters so its impossible to be completely prepared for them. Meaning: The Earth was never meant to groan and be dysfunctional but because of the fall it has been a mess. There are whole camps of Christians who overly prepare and have an inordinate focus on this preparation. No one predicted on time the New Orleans Hurricane or the Japan Earthquake….they happened. Preparedness is very important but it can’t be at the expense of peace.

2) The sources (whether prophetic or natural) of prediction are mostly wrong. Jim Berkland (who is the lastest source for the Earthquake in America) has tried to predict Earthquakes for decades and was right within 4 days of the San Francisco quake but that’s because his group has reported the possibility of over 200 Earthquakes…eventually you will get it right even if the public doesn’t look at the hundreds that did not happen. I applaud his efforts because seismology is such an unpredictable field, but the way the media has ran with this is ridiculous.

3) Christians are amazing in the days of adversity because we can move in the compassion of God and care for people that we would normally want to run from or cities we would rather escape from. The modern examples are profound: Haiti, New Orleans, and now Japan, etc have their best relief efforts from Christians. We have been involved in disaster relief, red zone missions, war zone missions, etc and you see Jesus on another whole level when you participate with Heavens solution to these terrible disasters and wars. Just like Doctors in Emergency rooms kick into another gear, Christians have the Spirit of God inside of them and if they are participating with Him they will find themselves capable of amazing heart attitudes and abilities during trauma. Christians who teach that we are to hide away or horde in those days of adversity and trial have a limited theology on the nature of Jesus who came to bring His government of peace and restoration. One of the greatest failures of the Roman Empire in its end was hoarding food, finances, resources, etc. People became so fearful they began to hoard and its proven that most the regions that fell first had the resources to maintain the region but those resources were being held back by Christian (and some none Christian) hoarding leaders.

4) You can prepare in more effective ways then hoarding and seperating. Your local fire department or police stations have programs like C.E.R.T. Which is an emergency disaster preparedness to help your city in times of trial. They are desperate to get churches involved. You can have some of your members become chaplains to police forces, fire depts, sports teams, prisons, so you will have access to disaster relief locations if things do happen, you can find out your cities disaster relief plan for different types of disasters which is public domain….find out the hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars your state has put into its disaster plans because America is not as stupid as the news media makes it sound. Find out what has worked in the disasters that your city is threatened with in the past and do basic education. Your average joe doesn’t need to focus on impending doom, but they need to be prepared for potential disasters. You can be part of private and public food banks to find out how to funnel foods to them so that there is an abundance.

5) One of the most important issues: Be part of a Kingdom and relief effort now. If you are becoming fearful about running out of something in the future, be part of your cities solution now and begin to find out the statistics of hunger in your city and become an answer. LA has about 15% malnutrition and we only feed maybe 17,000 meals a day to our poor and homeless population. Our food banks are low on quality food, and we need thousands of pounds of food and water now. If we could make this a well oiled process now we would be WAY ahead if a disaster hit because these food banks which work for the homeless in these days will work for the whole city in disaster days. In New Orleans, our friends Blood and Fire were feeding like 3500+ meals a day to relief workers and it was because they were already feeding people before that so it was easy to jump into helping. Bottom line is Christians can be ridiculous at hoarding resources when in a city like ours (LA) there isn’t enough food being stored for our current food crises right now. Be a part of healing your current food crises in your city and you will begin to understand how to handle a disaster (there is probably one already going on but its covered up by normalness). PS this is one of the areas that the Obama administration shines because they are amazing at disaster plans and social justice.

6) Modern History proves that disasters have not grown the church. The churches get full for a few weeks after, but its the goodness of God and the Kingdom of life that make people want to stay involved in their faith. I remember these Christians who were like “Katrina will force revival, New Orleans will know they have to turn to God now.” But you know what? Although God moves powerfully in peoples hearts when they are in disaster, it is not a healthy thing to say “This is the revival agent we have been waiting for!” The reality is all of Africa is in disaster all the time that is like in the days that most Christians think the end times will look like. Africa’s revival is not in response to its destruction, it is in response to seeing there is a GOOD GOD who restores all things and gives purpose beyond human survival. We have unrealistic expectations as western world Christians that think when it gets worse around us the church will grow and that God needs us to suffer in order to apprehend us. This hasn’t worked for Africa and its not the solution for America, humans do good when the original plan of God is at work: Peace, rest, love, life, goodness, fulfillment, these draw people into eternity more then destruction because they feel like eternity.

I like what Joe from my facebook friend status said: Jesus paid the price for the sins of the world and the Father is not imputing the world’s trespasses against them, why do some insist that the physical calamities our God’s judgments? Too many think God’s dealings with us are based on the Law, not on the grace of God in Christ. Or Bill Johnson: The insurance companies blame a lot of bad things on a good God.

7) You are part of the solution that the world is waiting for….Romans 8 says the whole earth is groaning that sons of God would be revealed because what happened when Jesus came? He brought the potential to restore all things. He started His whole ministry with Luke 4:18 which was to bring GOOD NEWS! Wow what a concept that we are supposed to bring good news even in the day of adversity like He was in…..it was a bad day when He came but He showed a GOOD God!

I love you guys and I love my city. I am here for my city when it is doing well or when it is suffering like right now……LA is at a terrible crises of hunger, 20% child homelessness, 10,000 slaves, 80,000 homeless adults, 2000 people being released from prison every night, 18% unemployment, and we have many other problems. An Earthquake is not going to bring revival, we are. We want to stand with our city in the day of adversity and love our city, not pull away and hoard resources because of weird prophetic perspectives that come from bad theology. Any word that makes you feel separate from the city you live in is not from the heart of God.

Lots of love

Shawn Bolz

Expression58

www.expression58.org

i love this photo from 911 because it was such a picture of these champion men & woman risking all to save lives

MANAGING OTHERS EXPECTATIONS:

I got an email from someone moving to LA. “I am so in love with LA and I know I am supposed to be part of what you are doing! I am completely dedicated and can’t wait to move out there! I have been waiting my whole life to impact the entertainment industry and now I want to come out and serve your team!”

I wrote a fun email back congratulating them for taking the risk but also being very practical making sure they had enough money to move out here and that they take the time to get to know what God is doing in our city not just with us because we are new and all their relational needs might not get met here since everyone lives so far a part and we only have five home groups at any given time.

They wrote back “No! You don’t understand! I know I am called to work with you! I can’t wait!”

Then they moved here and crashed in every expectation. They were disappointed that we weren’t more for them. They were disappointed that they couldn’t have more position and be paid to do it by us or by LA because GOD HAD CALLED THEM! In their mind it wasn’t fair after all and after a year they moved away writing me a letter that said that God had released them from LA and it was time to go somewhere else. Now multiply this by 20+ people (probably more like 50 I just haven’t had direct convo’s with all of them) and you will see some of what we have had to deal with.

Let me qualify that I am not sad or upset that it happened, they took a risk and it didn’t pay off for them but it is discouraging when someone gives you 100% passion in the start but doesn’t even persevere for more then 12 months….you can’t move to a city like LA and see any of your dreams happen without investing 10 years.  There is a lot of entitlement in this generation that things are not worth working hard for. If it takes 30 years to get a gold watch and a pension in most jobs, its going to take 30 years to be paid back for your investment in something….and that just scares most people.

I am a conference speaker so all that I have to do is talk about what God is doing in Hollywood and anyone who doesn’t have satisfaction or clear direction who is looking for excitement and calling ends up “hearing from God” that they are called to move to California. I have to be very careful in this, because although we want everyone to move here (its an amazing city) you have to move here with wisdom, and a long term goal that doesn’t involve using the identity of those around you to find fulfillment (that is one of the problem areas of Hollywood itself).

BELIEVING IN WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN WHOLE HEARTEDLY MANAGES OTHERS EXPECTATIONS

On a positive note: How you believe what you believe and how you are vulnerable in the process will really be the powerful force of managing peoples expectations around you. Your belief in something is magnetic to those who trust or love you. Your belief multiplies in them.

You will never properly manage your critics opinions of you so don’t try (let God and the good work be defenders) but you sure can help lead those who are part of you be powerful in their expectations towards you.

I have tried to set a real culture of grace to our leaders and our ministry. I have said things to those who are involved statements like:

* Hey guys none of us have ever lead on this level before so we need lots of grace and years of development so we need you to double your adaptability and flexibility if you are going to make a commitment to us. Not just your grace for me, but grace for other areas or departments that may not be connected to you right now.

* When you start to come to a pioneering work like this you have to take a risk to believe in us and our leadership, but we also have to take risks with you as well! Lets be gracious risk takers.

* Many other ministries that have been established for 10+ years have fully developed departments and internal structure, you are part of the pioneering group that establishes that for everyone who comes after you (its not here yet). That means there will be tension and obvious sight to what ISN’T happening, but lets be constructive and empowered to believe we have a voice to what needs to happen but with our focus trained on what IS happening so we can celebrate who we are not who we are not yet.

* What if we never become a better version of the last church you were in, can we be a new thing instead of a recreation of a really good experience you have already had.

In other words, we have to have emotional intelligence and love for the people God is bringing us through our communication.

PEOPLE WILL BE CRITICAL, THEY CAN’T HELP IT

You can please some people some of the time….but sometimes its going to just feel like everyone is disappointed…it won’t be true but it will feel that way. It seems when one person is energized about something negative then this energy multiplies.

You do have a great defenses to this though, you need to develop a culture in your leadership team and in your people of belief and support. That means when someone is being critical you can ask them if its a critical analysis that is meant to help you or is it critical mindset based in missed expectations.

THE OLD CRITICAL ANALYSIS

If they have a critical analysis then its great because you will hear something that is good to be a listener too. It doesn’t mean you will want to hear it in the timing it is being given but it is worth listening too and can sometimes be a gift. Critical information never comes at the most opportune time, until you train yourself to hear it.

Repeat after me: Negative information does not have to bring negative conversations.

This is one area that I have failed in so many times when we were first starting because I get triggered by people I hadn’t developed enough relationship with yet, when they tell me what was not working but offer no solutions. I had to learn, this it is OK as long as their heart is for us its OK to see what needs to happen…but you can’t spend a lot of time here.

Example: So many people have told us our website sucks. You know what? The Bible School student who did it gave us a steal at 500 dollars and it was worth every penny! He did a good job. Since then we just haven’t had the 10,000 it takes to build a world class website but we are working towards it, we even have project managers who have developed the design ideas and are looking how to build it in phases but its been a rough time moving to LA in the middle of recession…see how easy it is to want to defend what is not happening yet? Its exhausting though….

The reality is its OK to just hear someone without having to feel responsible to them in a wrong way. They don’t need to know the back story or why its not working!

SOLUTION: They just need to know that you hear them and that you have a plan that eventually it will change. That is very powerful for people, to be heard and have agreement from you even if you have to set their expectation on your priorities for projects like this.

NEGATIVE WRONG PROCESSING

It might be a negative wrong processing that gets brought to you.

Example that is E58 specific: One thing my team has had to deal with is the fact that many people are upset that I am single. “Pastors can’t be single! Not senior pastors!” is the sentiment they are given. They are asked if I am “OK” meaning I might have a religious weird cultish perspective, I might be struggling with homosexuality, I might be celibate, I might be deformed…we have had all the questions come. People have a hard time following what they don’t understand so we do have to qualify from time to time that being single is not wrong and that I personally am pure and not deformed and that I am not celibate forever and Jesus was single when He lead the church.

Sometimes negative questions deserve a response, sometimes the way we are pioneering is so different that we spend more time qualifying… but we can not move into defensiveness or we can’t spend our good energy on high maintenance misunderstandings.

I use this as an example because there will always be something that your leaders will find themselves helping to explain or qualifying in reaction to you or what you are all doing together. The key here is to have simple answers that defuse negativity, but not to spend any time in arguing or in intensity. Remember negative people feed off of negativity so if you argue they win. Sometimes people are just going through something with their friends, family, job, hormones, etc and they need to know they are safe even when they are ugly so they get energized. Part of being their family is loving them through this and helping to be a safe place again for them to de-energize.

FEELING SAFE HELPS TO MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

I have had a few people tell me some really negative reasons why they didn’t feel safe with us as a ministry. The problem was I couldn’t de-energize them and I couldn’t fix in the short term the areas of the ministry they wanted me to focus on because it just didn’t line up with our priorities or our vision for the order in which we were going to build so you know what? I had to release them. For us as a ministry it was telling them “There are amazing churches in this city that are fully developed and it sounds like you really need something that is already established. We are still building and our process is going to be slow in some of the areas that you need a fast moving system just because we are moving forward so many things at once.”

To people that get mad at us for not being all they want us to be yet, I put 2 fingers up and say “We are only just over 2 years old as a church. 2, do you see that? 2 years….JK I don’t say that part.”

Of course some of those people want their 2 year old child to go to college but for the most part people come back into reality and go….”Oh yeah, I should give them a break and walk out the days of small beginnings with them….that’s what that scripture is about.”

DON’T LET OTHERS EXPECTATIONS MANAGE YOU

The oldest pitfall in the book for pioneers? Reacting to new or uncommitted peoples expectations and trying to be a people pleaser rather then building with your family and team. Let me tell you a quick story:

When I lived in the South (yes I lived there) I realized how much people put an emphasis on appearance in my neighborhood. There was one lady whose son went through a hip hop phase (who was totally a white baby faced sweet kid). She was so embarrassed that one day when they were over at my house as a family she told him that he couldn’t wear his new hip hop jacket outside because “What would the neighbors think?”

I took her aside and said “Sweetie pie (in a great southern style) you care more about what the neighbors think then what your boy thinks. He will only go through this phase once, and its precious because he is becoming an individual exploring his identity in a totally pure (and one day the photos will show) hysterical way. Enjoy this! Don’t let pressure from what people think rob him from exploring!”

She realized she was caring more for her neighbors feelings then her son and it was learned behavior. She decided to have fun with his phase and laugh it off. He is now the popular star Eminem. Just kidding!

We often do this, we care more for what a few people who are not really involved or committed or central to what we are doing think at the expense of what those who really matter think.

Some of us as we pioneer have learned behavior on how to bend towards people who aren’t even really committed to us in our community we are building because they are tithers, or they are important in the community, or they are older, or whatever but you know what? Love the child God gave you and the team and family he gave you first. Then apply the strength of this love to the community around you and you know what will happen? You will develop good boundaries!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

There is a lot to figure out with expectations when you are starting, but you know what? Enjoy it even when people who are starting to

come along side you are upset or counting the cost because when they get through whatever they are going through (with your love and support I hope) you will have really committed people who have paid a price.

Lots of love from the red zone of Los Angeles

Shawn Bolz

Expression58

www.expression58.org

www.shawnbolz.wordpress.com

find me on facebook!

PS

My new book is printed and you can order it this week for delivery next week! THE NONRELIGIOUS GUIDE TO DATING AND BEING SINGLE: www.nonreligiousguide.com

PSS:

My other two books are available in digital form now as well! The Throne Room Company and Keys to Heaven’s Economy. https://secure.digitalcontentcenter.com/shop/615348/products/?

YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS

So last week we had a high point where everything seemed to be lining up perfectly. The reports have been amazing lately. The majority of our team had good stories and are beginning to communicate satisfaction in pioneering even if they have lots of vision for what needs to change and happen. On top of that my happiness level was at a great high personally, and my dog didn’t die of cancer after all and they couldn’t find it in his system anymore….life felt right.

Then this week happened….I got sick, I got hit up by the IRS and still have to figure it out, a great potential building worked right out of our hands, different team went through some hard circumstances that took them out for a few day, a few departments had major transition which means they will be in maintenance mode again or not building at all….it so funny what can happen from week to week, month to month for pioneers at their beginnings.

“Its going to be worth it…..” I chanted to myself almost laughing at how last week I was shouting in my heart “It is SOOOO WORTH IT!” and this week I have to convince my emotional desire to believe even though my spiritual faith is there.

YOU’VE GOT VISION, YOU’VE GOT STYLE…EVERYBODY DANCE! 

So you have a vision and some implementation but at some point in your beginning phase things will work against you. Sometimes it will all be in the emotional realm or with relationships. Sometimes it will all be circumstantial. Other times it may even be a perfect storm hitting against everything in your life at once….and that is when you will want to pack your imaginary UHAUL in your head and move somewhere that is already established where everything you want to do is already working.

Inevitably what you envisioned your life to be like and whatever you have a pioneering spirit driving you for will be disappointed on some level. These disappointments are one of the most powerful vehicles for you to reassess your priorities, your commitment, the importance of your mission and operations, and even realign relationships. Your going to go through periods of asking yourself why you are doing what you are doing and you know what? Those will be make it or break it moments in your life. PS this doesn’t have to be filled with drama but it will happen on some level you just might be smarter then others, or have more tools to deal with it.

SIDE NOTE FOR A SEC: For those of you who can not go on doing what you were so passionate about earlier in your story and you are now stopping your ministry, business, entertainment career, etc: Sometimes you have to completely change everything and you don’t have to look at it as giving up, you can also see it as moving into a new position because ultimately what you do is not who you are. You do not have to let what you are leaving behind define what you are capable of in the future. In other words sometimes there are necessary losses. Look at millionaires…so many lose everything before they have their greatest break throughs. Sometimes in paying a price and letting things go you can start something that is so powerful and right. Off of that subject back to the blog:

For those of you who know you have to press on and forward like me in LA, this means that sometimes you are going to be challenged in your resolve because some of the big pieces (or all of them when you are starting) are not coming together. There will always be challenges and there will always be people who are staring something right next to you that are succeeding in such a way that makes you feel stupid about how some basic things aren’t working for you but you know what? The big picture is worth it!

One thing that could be helpful is to find an organization you really respect that has been established for over 10 years that is doing the same types of things you are trying to do and ask someone on their main team what their first 3-5 years was like in the areas you are struggling with. You will hear stories that will shock you that they kept going because you know what? Anything worth doing is not easy.

Quick journaling questions : Set your expectations for yourself. What are you looking for to happen? What is realistic? How do you do course correction when you need to so that you don’t get hopeless but can still keep building towards your goals and vision?

I will be releasing part 2 of this as well this week its about how to live with others expectations and disappointments…..until then my friends!

Shawn Bolz

Expression58

www.expression58.org

www.shawnbolz.wordpress.com

find me on Facebook!

Your Face here:

So here is what I would love to know: What would you ask a fellow pioneer? Maybe we can get some group dialogue going on the subject. I will be taking questions all week either through the comment system on wordpress or facebook or direct to email (steam@expression58.org) and this will help me to form what is to come. In the mean time I am releasing another pioneer blog soon.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

Shawn Bolz

I wake up, sitting up in bed excited about all the potentials I felt in my dream state. Rolling over off the pillows (yes the pillows were somehow under me), I stand up and stretch. This is when the full reality hits me again that I don’t have the abilities, money, time, power, influence to accomplish what I was just dreaming. Before I can get depressed I realize I have to pee really bad…great distraction from an inevitably dull thought process. 

Then when I wash my hands (I added that for women), I come out of the bathroom and ask God: “Why do you give us tasks that are always beyond our ability to do and believe for?” I know the answer…if we can do it ourselves than where is the proof that there is a supernatural God living in us? Where is the proof that God is a relational God that still acts and moves and loves through humankind? Then I put on my superman underwear and get ready to start my day (it’s very empowering and comfortable I recommend it). 

This brings up one of the greatest problems with pioneering in any field….you are dependent on your ability to interact with God and bring this substance that is one step beyond “you” to accomplish the greater things you are believing for. The problem it takes a journey that requires faith to believe for the world to change in some specific way or to accomplish some particular goals. Sometimes on this journey we get tired or lose sight or accomplish some of it and there is a temptation is to coast in the good of what we are doing instead of reaching for greatness that comes beyond human effort.

Many groups get tired after accomplishing a measure of Good and stop their journey there maintaining a level instead of reaching for the heavens. Its like the difference of Disney and your county fair. Disneyland went all the way and is still arriving at new levels of greatness, where as your county fair still has its same rides and is good for some cheap fun but ultimately unfulfilling …especially if you have visited Disneyland.

The longer I have done this pioneering thing the more I am aware that I have to not just connect with God but I have to live somehow plugged into this connection continually. Some people call this getting revelation, some people call this having an encounter with God, I just call it overcoming. How can I get past the million challenges that present themselves with trying to do something new if He doesn’t interact with me and make me and overcomer? An Overcomer is someone who sees beyond what is normal, beyond circumstances, beyond what is earthly, and can see into the heart of God that there is always a way forward, up, out, in etc. there is always more there is always a greater. There are always plans of wisdom when the normal says there is nothing left. There is always a heart beating in heaven when the heart stops loving on earth. An overcomer taps into this reality of God and doesn’t just live there but takes his surroundings there.

Pioneering is like a pressure cooker and the longer you stay in the more pressure builds. This means some weeks I am dealing with team crises, all our missionaries get robbed, someone gets deathly ill, we need 50,000 dollars by Friday for some project we took on, we have the fire marshal want to shut our meeting down because of occupancy, we have our technology in the office all break, someone releases a bad report about us, the website goes down for no reason, we have team who decide they are offended at each other and need intervention, we get attacked by another groups gossip, someone has a life breakdown that we have to slow down for, someone has a baby that we have to slow down for, someone just wants to slow down and we have to slow down for them. Bottom line is that life happens all around us and there are a million details that can pull your faith back into human achievement land.

 THE AWESOME FACTOR

One of the toughest experiences you will have is trying to find the balance between managing normal life and having a supernatural experience that translates right into our normal life creating the “Awesome” factor.

The Awesome factor is when things flow beyond and out of your human control and become beautiful to you and yours. Honestly, this is supposed to be our “normal” but we are settling for so much less because of crises control and human management.

So how do we live with the awesome factor being our norm? Have you ever had someone give you unlimited money on a credit card to build what you are dreaming of? That is what you have access to tap into with God…He is giving you an unlimited source of provision to create this awesome factor. The problem is you are responsible for creating the connection to this provision through your relationship with him. The other thing is that this place of provision isn’t just stuff he is buying for you, it is His very nature. You have to connect and know HIM…..then you can manifest that nature to the world around you and from within yourself. Sounds very philosophical but it’s very real.

Most common question: How come this isn’t happening for me? I love God and I believe in him….why do I just have a few moments of this that seem magical and fulfilling?

Answer: Because it costs so much to be present with God all the time. It takes such determination to surpass the normalness of pressing concern to transcend it into focus on the eternal. Sometimes its just easier to be present in the normal and we don’t even think about Colossians 3:1-3 … fixing our mind and affections on things above. We don’t get there because we don’t give the focus to what “there” is.

Leaders and pioneers of anything often get distracted by the tasks or the vision and bypass the goal which is letting the person of God and all of His kingdom rest on the earth around us. The transformer God is beyond the transforming purpose, but it’s so easy to look higher and only see purpose and be driven by that which also eventually causes us to lose the connection to the very one we are trying to do all this work for in the first place. This might describe why families don’t survive many spiritual leaders God pursuit…because they are sacrificed at the altar of purpose…even higher purpose which loses the higher as soon as it becomes the primary objective.

One of our leaders read that there is an “Avatar Syndrome” and it is described as people who are depressed after watching the movie Avatar because they want the same kind of connection to the world around them that the characters experienced in the movie. They want to feel plugged in and part of the great scheme of pulsating life that is all around them and because they feel disconnected they watch the movie over and over feeling less human each time.

When you feel connected to God and the people you are called to it maintains the Awesome Factor we are talking about. You are more powerful than the Avatar creatures and you can plug into the life around you. Whether the process of your tasks to fulfill your goal or vision feels awesome right now, the very connection to God and people can still empower this factor of feeling your living without the full proof in what you are pioneering you feel the reality of it hovering just within range of your work and it is empowering because you know it will come.

I don’t think fullness or even fulfillment can be defined by arriving at the majority (or even all of) your goals. I think fullness and fulfillment best comes when you feel this constant connection to God, people, and yourself which creates a life flow that is just past normal and then you enjoy all of the minor and greater tasks because they are symbiotic with you purpose.

Lastly it takes relationship interaction to maintain deep relationship. That is the same with God, it takes encounters to maintain a life of connection so you should expect God to encounter you all throughout real life. Not just miracles, healing, wisdom, knowledge type experiences, but presence. Expect His presence to come and fill you with joy and encouragement or you will not make it in joy or be a real encourager.

So my little avatars let us go and connect to the world wearing our superman (woman remember there was a super girl) underwear with pride!

So here are some questions:

Do you feel connected to God in what you are doing or has it become just organizational vision building?

Do you feel connected to the people you are working towards this vision with?

Out of a typical month how often to do you experience the Awesome Factor?

How often do other people feel the Awesome Factor from you (meaning not just positivity about what you are doing but they are impacted by your faith and creates faith in them)?

How would you describe your connectivity to God outside of the purpose you are driven for?

Are you sacrificing time with family and friends to do something that doesn’t have the awesome factor present enough? (Back to time management blog)

Love ya lots

Shawn Bolz

www.expression58.org

Dating Book just getting released! : www.nonreligiousguide.com

 There are so many good materials on time management that I have read over the past decade. As a pioneer it seems to be one of the subjects that is constantly having to be defined and then redefined because your activities of how you commit your time consistantly evolve when you are in pioneer mode.

I myself have gone through dramatic shifts every year I have pioneered and have had to constantly reset to my original boundaries and priorities. I haven’t had a good 8 hour session of video games in a long time…because I haven’t prioritized it…but I digress.

Up until the time when we came to Hollywood I had never seen time as a commodity in my life. I always seemed to be able to find time for everything before…time for family and friends, time for projects, time for every ministry appointment, time for creating….then we moved here and as I started the real purpose I was made for I began to fill up my calendar with so many things that I had no time. I constantly realized that I never had extra time or breaks unless I made them.

IF YOU DON’T MANAGE YOUR TIME SOMEONES NEED OR DESIRE WILL FOR YOU

As a pioneer you must have clear priorities on your time. You have to know what are the important things you are working on and bring every day back to that focus. If you don’t do this the great needs of the world, people’s brokenness, projects that are just one-off projects that don’t build anything but feel good, and all kinds of other things will come in and use your energy but they won’t necessarily establish the fulfillment of your priorities.

One thing our leadership counselor had us do is establish the top 3 priorities in our relationships and then our jobs and manage our time around these. It helped immensely because I realized how much I was doing that did not match my core values of what I am supposed to be doing and I was letting way too many life fillers in to my time. That is just crazy but it becomes clear when you have priorities set.

PEOPLE WILL SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU IF YOU DON’T SPEND TIME WITH LIFE GIVERS

It’s so easy to feel good helping people with problems or to help them get established in life or values. Lots of leaders get a rush out of helping someone break through their problems. This is great, but do you have the same energy or more for your core life relationships.

We all have spheres of relationships we have to build. There is our core relationship (wife/husband/bestest friend in all the world) then there is 3-5 other friendships/family that we do real life with, we sacrifice for, we celebrate, we endure hardship with, etc. Then there are 5-12 others that we check in with through work and projects but they tend to transcend these projects or work in their nature and become lifers. Then there is everyone else. If you don’t have clear spheres of relationship in your mind then you begin to violate the boundaries of love that you have for one and substitute another in their place and your relationships get very out-of-order.

Most pioneers feel justified sacrificing their core few relationships from time to time for the sake of helping someone or working hard. It just feels right to put everything on the back burner because we are accomplishing the foundation of our mission and once that foundation is set we will revert back to a better normal. Maybe we will have finally be established enough financially or management structure wise so we feel great just working really hard right past the very life we are trying to build. Do you see it? You stop honoring your core relationships the same way for the sake of building something in hopes that you will bring greater honor to those very relationships later? Your main relationships don’t need you later they need you now and you need them!

I have done that especially in regards to forgetting to send birthday cards or make calls on significant days of my friends and family outside of what I am building. I even wasn’t there a few crises times of my core life friends because I was helping the whole world and my relationships got disconnected and suffered because of my messiah complex. Then in significant times during my life people who I cared about stopped celebrating me with the same enthusiasm and I also had people who were no longer there when I was going through a hard time who were always there. Why? Because I had changed my value for them by my prioritizing them out of my core. I never used words, but what I spoke through action communicated volumes. It’s hard to get these back but if your kids, your family, your best friends outside of what you are building (and sometimes inside) are getting disconnected you are not building right.

TIME IS A TICKING BOMB 

If you are setting your priorities then no matter what :you are in charge of how you get to spend your time establishing those priorities. Some of you are working under a job description someone has given you while many or most of you are probably establishing your own job description. I would encourage you to do that in the most clear way, define how many hours it takes you to do what you do each week, keep a little time journal for a month and look back on what was consuming your time and see if it lines up with your relational and work priorities. If you are your own boss, manage yourself as part of your management structure and be disciplined with your own time.

For me I have to pour into a team of 7 as my main priority in Expression58 plus build two departments with department leaders. This is like having 3 part-time jobs so they must have grace for my time schedule and I theirs. I also barely get paid for any of this, but have been doing it as a volunteer which means my itinerant job will have to take priority from time to time. We all have difficult arrangements in pioneering that will affect our priorities in time management. Maybe you work a job and run your ministry, maybe you don’t raise enough money through your budget to hire team so you have a lot of volunteers that don’t work with your enthusiasm yet, etc. There are always complications when pioneering that affect how your overall organization meets its priorities and how time is used.

I have to spend my time with my main leaders, so when I have the 300 people ask me for an appointment in LA I have made a list of them and I first look at my core relationships I am committed too and see if I have spent the right amount of time with them. I have their faces up on a graphic that I can look at every week and pray into their lives and see what kind of coaching, friendship, mentoring, love I can give them. If I feel like I am meeting those needs then I move on to my long list of people who want to meet.

IF I MET WITH EVERY AMAZING PERSON WHO CAME MY WAY THE REST OF MY LIFE WOULD SUFFER

As a pioneer leader you will always have lots of people who want to meet with you. I make a list when I get a card or contact of someone who wants to connect and ask myself a few questions: 1) Is this someone I have the time to meet with. Have they been involved with us for a while or are they just wanting a connection? 2) Can someone else on my team meet with them to bring them up to speed with who we are and how we can connect further 3) Do they have something they are offering? Do we need what they have to offer right now? Can it fit within our time priorities or would we have to slow down what God has us focused on to bring what they have to us? 4) Or are they needing something and if they are am I the right person to give it to them? 5) Are they a happily relational person who has successful time management skills so they are coming to me out of their strength or are they needing discipleship in which case I might need to point them somewhere before we connect in a more significant way so that they don’t have false expectations?

Now understand for me I know what I don’t do so I have a great filter when people are talking to me and asking me for something. I don’t do counseling appointments, I do very little personal discipleship outside of my team, I don’t do advisory boards very often, I won’t become an intercessor for someones project. I don’t marry people, I don’t do hospital visitations, I don’t visit people in jail, I don’t speak at youth groups, singles conferences, or young adult focused meetings. In other words like I said, I know what I don’t do so I can clearly tell someone when they are coming to me asking for something or wanting to connect their talent, skill, or ability to us, as one of the figure heads of who our community is it is my role to be a funnel of relationship and help them to know who can help them or where the connection lay. I have raised up people who do all the things I don’t do and you can too.

I also know what I do focus on. I do leadership consultation, I release prophetic ministry, I work on entertainment projects as an advisory, I write articles and books and stories, I do a lot of impartation and prayer ministry, I do outreach, I do team discipleship, etc. So when someone comes across my path and if I can help them in an area of my strength or expertise I am glad to if I have the time for it.

IF YOU VIOLATE YOUR RELATIONAL TIME MANAGEMENT THEN YOU WILL KEEP PAYING

The problem with relationship time management is that if I give my time to someone who has needs other than the people I have prioritized then often times I will have to follow all the way through their issue until its done. This means a marriage that breaks down becomes my responsibility to help if I allow them to start the counseling process with me instead of help them find someone who can really spend the time and energy it takes to break through in that issue. This can turn into a 20-200 hour time consumer. Now for someone who has a passion to help marriages or a counselor, this is what they want to do and what they will be good at and it will not take away from their time but is part of their time priorities do you see? 

If you begin to do the crises management of your group then you will lose most of your best energy to putting out fires. I know leaders who ten years later still find themselves putting out fires that are basically a fire started by pettiness on the team that would be better managed by doing some character building then crises management later. If you live in crises management mode your prioritized relationships will be violated. If you find yourself dealing with more than 2 crises a year that take real-time and energy I challenge you that have taken on a wrong role. Maybe I will write a blog on team or ministry crises management sometime.

BUT I HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM THEY ARE AMAZING OR THIS OPPORTUNITY IS TOO GOOD TO PASS UP!

What happens to those good things that fall through the cracks because your time management didn’t include them? Either you as a pioneer can raise someone up to take care of them through hiring an assistant, having an associate leader, raising up team, etc. or it wasn’t as important for you to take on in this stage of your life in the first place. I don’t mean the opportunity wasn’t real or important but was it for you now? When you are walking in what you are called to do you will always have a cycle of great opportunities come to you….your responsibility is not just to say yes to everything. Your responsibility is to learn out of your own value for an amazing life, what makes sense for right now. As a successful person you will say no sometimes even more than yes to opportunities. Train yourself now to protect and guard what you have said yes to so you can become excellent and successful to that even if by saying no to an opportunity that seems huge makes you feel like you are missing something. If you stay committed to your original plan out of faithfulness you will see results that taking on other projects or opportunities and cycling through them will never give you. Picture marriage…if you are married your heart is off the market to any other person so if something that seems great comes along you easily let it go because of your covenant commitment and your history to what you are committed too.

Sometimes amazing people fall through the cracks of your time management, but just because people are amazing doesn’t mean they are your relationship sphere or that you need to take time for them now. Some of my best opportunities to meet with people came when I was already committed to other things so I had to trust God and my own value in what I was building and say no. This is a really hard one for pioneers because we are dependent on building our relational sphere in order to create more opportunities, finances, etc. Its hard to get by in to what we are doing if we don’t meet with the right people at the right time but you know what? If you are relationaly successful you will keep attracting the right kind of people to what you are building. Its more important to be faithful to the relationships that you are clearly called to cultivate than to keep adding new appointments in hopes that new areas may or may not open up for your calling or purpose.

PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME BY DOING WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY MEANS YOU WILL BE FULFILLED

When you set good boundaries to your time you actually fulfill what you are called to do. I hope that you find yourself successful in your time management!!!

That’s it for now,

Shawn Bolz

Expression58

www.expression58.org

PS:
One good time management book is called MARGINS

 PSS:
My Dating Book, The Non Religious Guide To Dating & Being Single, came out in a digital release and is soooo good! It will be out in printed release Valentines Day. If you want to preorder it you can starting next week! If you want to carry it in your resource center or bookstore contact Andrea Bocks at steam@expression58.org and she will tell you how to order bulk.

I love the graphic design all through it. Dustin Bocks, an amazing designer, layed it out. We added surveys, mad libs, dating quotes, pick up lines, it was really fun to put together. I love that what started as a blog series because I was sick of giving the same advice over and over turned into this book! The web series was award winning and had over 275,000 readers which gave me the courage to rewrite this and put it together this way. A special prop to Sally Hanan who is my editor and teacher for the flow edits and restructuring because my mind does not work very linearly.

Our print release is going to be the day before Valentines day and we will have a preorder special (of course) but I felt like since it was done it would be great to get it out and into your hands through your smart phones, Ereaders, computers, and whatever else you can use to read it. Please remember when someone writes a book and you are their friend or you follow their work it helps them so much if you leave comments, write reviews or rate with stars if you buy the book from amazon or barnes and noble or ibooks, and it also helps to spread the word. You guys are my force of marketing, if you love it, the book will sell because of you.

Here is our little video promo for the book : Cheesy but fun

After this many years of rewriting and puting this together its done! I am such a happy man today!
What are you working on? When is your due date?

Album I’m listening to: sleeping at last, yearbook

When we first started our little home meetings in Hollywood I remember how much security it brought me to have about nine real friends in the room helping me to walk out a dream that was now no longer just mine but ours. We had a rocky beginning of ministry because it happened so suddenly and we felt like alls we had immediately was each other and in a new land where we had no roots we as very independent people began to depend on each other differently. We made (and still make) lots of mistakes but we cherished relationship so that the mistakes haven’t become friend breakers.

One night i remember asking our little crowd of 70 or so peops how many had the following kinds of friends for more then 3 years:
1) you do life together and share victories and weaknesses that are not task oriented but life oriented (meaning you aren’t just getting together for work) at least once every few weeks
2) you celebrate life’s critical moments together whether its doing birthday celebrations or being there in grief.
3) you rest and go on trips or vacations together or have other ways of bonding that is not career/ministry related

Only our little circle of friends raised their hands the rest of the group was pretty lonely. Some of it was because they were putting careers first. Some were news to LA and it takes time to develop this. Some just didn’t have relational life skills even though they are wonderful.

ALaying it Down At The Alter Of Duty

When you are pioneering one of the most dangerous things you can do is lose track of real friends and sacrifice relational happiness at the alter of duty because of being in start up mode. Some strain is natural just like in a new marriage there are young couples who are trying to figure out how to do their new life with all it’s new roles together, but at one point does it just become abandonment to other people or selfishness if we don’t reemerge?

When I was growing up dad was in the military so we had to move a lot….i mean a lot. I hated the instability of having to create a whole new group of friends but my mom helped impart the principles that i still live life with. I had a successful relational life at each place we went even though it took time. I remember moving to a new place in junior high and she told me a number of things that stuck with me that are so relevant today:

1) if you want friends you have to be a friend first. You have to make a lot if not all of the effort for a while and then it will become natural for the person to pursue you back. This made sense because when you move into a new group of people they have spent time together and are usually semi if not quite happy with their relationships they have built. That means they may not be looking for new friends. Relationally satisfied people have full lives of activities with their families and current friends. If you show up on the scene there is a making room period for you in their lives that is a type of courting. If you make the effort with at least 3 people you will learn a lot and probably end up with someone you will really spend life with.

2) don’t just bond with other new people. look for people who are relationally happy. People who are not happy in their friendships have a reason why they are not happy. Sometimes when you bond to just the others who are new you miss some of the benefit of those who have helped to create a relational legacy.

3) be the kind of friend you want. Celebrate the person in ways that matter. Call them when they are down, visit them when they are sick. Be the first one to congratulate their success.

4) serve them where it counts. Find out what is important to them and help them on life projects. Be there for moves, babies, marriages, funerals, etc.

5) communicate your value for them and as they reciprocate you start to get covenant.

Things that speed this up:
Anointing or the presence of God.
Life purpose crosses path
Working together
Going to school together
Doing hobbies together.

Some of these accelerators can actually substitute real relationship so you have to be careful to stay devoted past your doing things together or else the substance of relationship will rest in your roles instead of your love. Think about how many people get divorced after their kids are grown, they have run out of role and there is not enough love to sustain them.

Pioneering a relational culture in an organization:

I want a family can you give me one now?

One of my favorite stories is when a young woman moved to LA 3 years ago after having an INCREDIBLE experience in community at her church in Redding California (Bethel). She moved to our small brand new community that was so new not to mention understaffed and underpaid and was disappointed when her relational needs were not being met. She was processing with some friends about how hard it was and she began to get angry at our little ministry for not meeting this deep need of relationship on the level of what she had where she came from.

Then a light bulb of revelation came from God: “you have only been in places that have a rich relational heritage that someone else had to plow the ground and pay a price for so you inherited great family there but now in this new place You are the pioneer. You have to create the relational legacy and it’s hard work.”

Her expectations changed from wanting us to do a lot more for her then we possibly could to her taking responsibility and trained us all in an important lesson. We haven’t created relational legacy yet and it takes years and the first 5-10 years takes a lot of plowing and commitment.

Being New Means Lots and Lots Of New

When you start a new work you are connecting to many new people all the time and have to create context and purpose in the connections. We have 40-60 new visitors a week and our committed base is only around 200-300 through two services. That means if we spent all our time on new connections we wouldn’t develop the core connections so we have to give people an onramp in their visit but we need to prioritize developing safe family until the foundation is developed. This is hard for everyone because new people get excited and want to run with you but you have all kinds of people who are paying a price to be with you that you have tom figure out how to give time to. The love language of ALL people in an organization from their leaders is QUALITY TIME.

As the head of our organization I spent the last year prioritizing my main leaders, giving my team time first and if I had extra time I have a list of about 300 people who have asked for time and I prioritized my extra time by their involvement to organization, by their purpose on wanting to meet and sometimes by the connection I felt to them. This was all consuming and I had to pace myself because I not only have our start up church I have an itinerate ministry that is actually what pays my bills since I don’t take a salary from the church so I have many responsibilities outside of our structure which means I have relational time commitments outside of expression58. Each pioneer is going to have their challenges but people management is the hardest, if you become too structural and purpose driven you become neutered in your community spirit and impact. If you aren’t planning your time though then someone (usually the high needs people) will plan it for you.

Who Is Your Organizations Family?

I have heard a statistic that i can’t remember where it came from that 90% or more of people who start with you leave after the first two years for many reasons. I think one of the main reasons is that they grow weary of plowing for a relational community and culture that every new organization pays their own price for. A statistic we have in LA is that 50% of people who move here only stay for two years. They come for school or career and leave after that short of a time. That’s really hard to build a family with but we are breaking through and planting roots.

Who your leadership surround themselves with will determine what kind of family you will produce. If your recruit only broken into your family without providing counseling and life coaching somehow then you will have a highly dysfunctional family. If you attract and recruit disenfranchised from other organizations no matter how much leadership or ability they have on them then you will have some measure of division and independence spirit. If you recruit only the awesomely talented and established people you are at risk of having very little time commitment from them because they are working on their own huge projects.

It requires a balance between relational priorities to create the right family, but if you prayerfully consider what your goals are, what your relational priorities are, and who you want to love you can set yourself up for great success!

Shawn Bolz
expression58.org

Ps: my dating book comes out Monday in digital form!