Blog day 2 “Weren’t you dating some girl?”

Posted: October 5, 2009 in blogging

Blog day 2 “Weren’t you dating some girl?”

too much more then hold me

too much more then hold me

So today max the wonder dog woke me up with a desperate need to go to the bathroom. He usually sleeps longer then me but there he was staring in hopes I would take him down the 2 flights of stairs so he could be delivered of who knows what he ate. No one could appreciate the intensity of a dog who has to go to the bathroom when you are trying to sleep unless they witness it. As I went to let him out I remembered my dream.

In it a bunch of people were asking me about the relationship I had this summer that ended in august. I realized two things: 1) I released the fact that I was dating publically but never followed up with what happened and 2) I realized that in the dream people assumed the worst which made me want to make sure that it didn’t happen in my real woken up land.

So let me tell you a nutshell version of what happened. I won’t mention her name for her sake in case you are coming in late on our story. I am so grateful for the dating experience this summer with her. I haven’t announced a girlfriend in years and she definitely was the center of my attention for a while. It was hard in the end, not because there was drama, but because it just wasn’t it. She is such an amazing heart person so it of course was disappointing but we like each other and how we developed the relationship was around friendship first so we are ok now. Plus it was only 5 weeks of relationship….the lack of time invested helps it to be only disappointing and not devastating. So we are friends still and she still lives in LA and goes to our church. I think that’s amazing that we can maintain that level of ok-ness.

I am so happy with the way my life is turning out without someone so I am in no hurry but if the right woman comes along believe you me, no one will have to point her out.

Well I didn’t want this to sound like I had a summer fling, I wanted to make sure that this amazing woman was covered because there really wasn’t a down side in our relationship, it just didn’t work on a deeper level and she was the one to point it out first so there was nothing wrong with her…or me. Just wrong fit….hard for all the moms in my life to believe me they don’t believe in a wrong fit they want drama! Haha except real mom she is amazing and understood. I wanted to fight for it when we were breaking up but I couldn’t and I had to follow my heart just as she followed hers in initiating the break up.

I think the hardest part was that I so enjoyed doing life with someone on that level. Plus she is an amazing person. So with an open heart to God I pursue life.

On a side note I was able to really be creative this weekend which felt amazing. It was mostly in writing but I had other creative ideas for projects. I am the type of person who for the most part commits to my creativity and sees it through unless its all conceptual. This is so real though and I can’t wait for my personal creative projects to take more shape. Maybe I will be bold and show them here.

When I was creepy Elvis

When I was creepy Elvis

So every day I am going to include a question to demand back from you, my readers, to participate. Here is today’s:

 my question of the day for you is can you think about a relationship/friendship that you had to end for whatever reason that is joyful to recall now? Like you suffer no pain or reminder of pain as much as you reminisce on the joy you had in it?

Shawn Bolz , signing off

  1. “my question of the day for you is can you think about a relationship/friendship that you had to end for whatever reason that is joyful to recall now? Like you suffer no pain or reminder of pain as much as you reminisce on the joy you had in it?”

    Before I was saved? Very painful. After being saved, I noticed that GOD keeps my Peace of Mind from fading or keep my Joy Strong so that disappointing events don’t get me down.

    This may be what you are experiencing Shawn. The Power of Our LORD is keeping you eventho, your facial hair is saying something else. (a landmine went off) I choose to believe HE is keeping you….


  2. Gloria Alexandra says:

    Hi, I have to say that yes but not really, I was lucky after all. Well I really felt an emptiness with the relationship, even though happy at times I did not have the full joy, I always longed for a relationship that was also more spiritual (not easy to explain right now). I had different beliefs I was not a full radical Christian then, but always needed some connection to God, I was seeking for something higher but through other different false doctrines and the partner then was kind of skeptical about religion even though he does believe in God in his own way. Finally JESUS CHRIST filled that emptiness, the void in me that only he can, I didn’t understand the worship songs , as I got closer to God through his word I began to understand more and feel his presence to be so intense, I now understand how wonderful he is and how he sent his only son as a living sacrifice for all of us and Jesus presence in my life is so magical it is the Love that is so Real, that I never had felt before he has put a balm of loving peace and healing over my heart and he is MY FIRST LOVE (I have a better understanding now of what that means). Anyways I had to share this because I think sometimes people focus on having someone special to share life with and there is nothing wrong with that as a matter of fact it is a blessing but some people may have to be a little more patient than others because of some God purpose that only he knows and it is a good idea perhaps to find more time alone with God in personal prayer even amidst all the responsibilities at work, school, and church. It is a challenge to do that but it is worth it because God reveals a lot to us during those moments alone, like things we need to understand about ourselves and others around us, how we can become better friends, better sons & daughters, basically we can consider that perhaps there is inner work to be done before we can be ready for the person God has intended for us. Sometimes God prepares hearts separately then brings them together in his divine timing. Even though there are a lot of people who do get married young and are happy there are other cases in which the person has to accomplish things on their own before having a family. Some have a calling to do the work of God, and become an inspiration to others and help a lot of young people. I think you are one of those special people and you have accomplished that.

    I was lucky with the young man I was talking about in the beginning because even though we broke up and of course the break up was a great disappointment, we had become very good friends first and so we remained friends through good and bad times for years, his friendship has actually been a great blessing in my life he is now engaged and we are like brother and sister. True romantic mutual love is so beautiful it so important to me that if I feel that there is any doubt on how that person feels for me I will just walk away. In the past years I have had opportunities to date and I just decided to stay away because I knew that even though there was chemistry, deep inside my heart I was not going to be truly happy. God’s will, chemistry, and mutual true love have to be trully felt. God has helped me wait for years I will continue to learn and grow in the meantime until the right person that will truly love me will come along and meet me half way. I think friendship is key though and if it develops into something deeper and is a relationship blessed then finally I will be lucky to have found the one TRUE LOVE and if it is not mutual then a good friendship could still be possible if it can be handled at first by both parties if not then just stay away for a while until ready to be friends again, (there is also opportunity to meet the right person through that friendship or mutual friendships) or I will just let go. I believe God has a person that is perfect (not perfect just the perfect one for each and every one of us) it is just a matter of having FAITH and having that deep intimacy with God through prayer, fasting, worship and studying his word, and just be still and listen. I have learned that this deep relationship with God is number one and that anything else that is meant to be will come. God bless and take good care.

  3. JO says:

    My best friend and I started talking about dating but it wasn’t right at all and I was hurt for a long time but now we’re fabulous again. I’m so grateful that the relationship didn’t go down the tubes.

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